Megaphone

	Megaphone
Basic information
Track	Toon-Up
Level	2
Accuracy	Medium
Base accuracy	70%
Affects	All Toons
Statistics
Minimum heal	15
Maximum heal	18
Organic boost	18-22
Carry capacity
Minimum	5
Maximum	25
Lineage
Preceded by; Feather	Succeeded by; Lipstick
Skill points gained; 20	Skill points needed; 200

Megaphone is the level 2 Toon-Up gag that is preceded by Feather and succeeded by Lipstick. A Toon obtains the gag by gaining 20 skill points.

Animation

The Toon runs to the center of the Cog battle and brings out a Megaphone.
The Toon tells a joke through the Megaphone and a laugh track plays.
Other Toons in battle laugh and gain laff points.

Jokes

What goes Ha Ha Ha Thud? Someone laughing his head off.
What do you get if you cross a germ with a comedian? Sick jokes.
Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip to outer space? He wanted to find Pluto.
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
What's a polygon? A missing parrot.
What bird can be heard at mealtimes? A swallow.
What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a computer? A big know-it-all.
What's gray and squirts jam at you? A mouse eating a doughnut.
Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong? Because the other days are weekdays!
Why didn't the monster make the football team? Because he threw like a ghoul!
Where did the whale go when it was bankrupt? To the loan shark.
Why wouldn't they let the butterfly into the dance? Because it was a moth ball.
What lies on its back 100 feet in the air? A sleeping centipede!
What's white with black and red spots? A Dalmatian with measles.
What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? It must be Spring, here comes a swallow.
What did the appendix say to the kidney? The doctor's taking me out tonight.
Why are elephants big and gray? Because if they were small and yellow, they'd be canaries.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a canary? A very messy cage.
Why did Goofy take his comb to the dentist? Because it had lost all its teeth.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? An I-don't-think-he-saurus.
What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards!
What do you give an elephant with big feet? Big shoes.
What do you call a very popular perfume? A best-smeller.
What do you get if you cross a camera with a crocodile? A snap shot.
Where does Ariel the mermaid go to see movies? The dive-in.
Why did the pelican refuse to pay for his meal? His bill was too big.
What do giraffes have that no other animal has? Baby giraffes.
What are two things you can't have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
What did the doctor say to the sick orange? Are you peeling well?
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dog? An animal that chases itself.
Did you hear about the dentist that married the manicurist? Within a month they were fighting tooth and nail.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a crow? Lots of broken telephone poles.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
What did the elephant say to her naughty child? Tusk! Tusk!
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with athlete's foot.
If athletes get tennis elbow, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
What do mermaids have on toast? Mermarlade.
Why aren't elephants allowed on beaches? They can't keep their trunks up.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.
What do you get if you cross a bear and a skunk? Winnie-the-phew.
What's a cow after she gives birth? De-calf-inated!
What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel? Lumpy milk shakes.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
What do you get if you cross a hyena with a bouillon cube? An animal that makes a laughing stock of itself.
What do elephants say when they bump into each other? Small world, isn't it?
Why did the dirty chicken cross the road? For some fowl purpose.
Why did the burglar take a shower? To make a clean getaway.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with cement? A brick-layer.
What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while I go on ahead.
Why did Goofy wear his shirt in the bath? Because the label said wash and wear.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver.
My friend thinks he's a rubber band. I told him to snap out of it.
What's gray, weighs 10 pounds and squeaks? A mouse that needs to go on a diet.
What did the elephant say to the lemon? Let's play squash.
What's furry, meows and chases mice underwater? A catfish.
What goes dot-dot-dash-dash-squeak? Mouse code.
What travels around the world but stays in the corner? A stamp.
What has green hair and runs through the forest? Moldy locks.
What did the stocking say to the shoe? See you later, I gotta run.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a banjo? A self-plucking chicken.
What do frogs like to sit on? Toadstools.
Why can't you tell a joke to a snake? Because you can never pull their legs.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
What's an elephant in a fridge called? A very tight squeeze.
What did the balloon say to the pin? Hi, Buster.
Why was the school clock punished? It tocked too much.
What do you call a sick duck? A mallardy.
What do you give a pig with a sore throat? Oinkment.
How does a sick sheep feel? Baah-aahd.
What did the bee say to the rose? Hi, Bud.
Why did the apple go out with a fig? Because it couldn't find a date.
Why did the dog chase his tail? To make ends meet!
What do you call a duck that robs banks? A safe quacker.
What do you call a snail on a boat? A snailer!
What color is a shout? Yellow!
What works only when it's fired? A rocket.
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
When is the vet busiest? When it's raining cats and dogs.
What did the big hand say to the little hand? Got a minute?
What do you get if you cross a railway engine with a stick of gum? A chew-chew train.
What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What's the best way to catch a rabbit? Hide in a bush and make a noise like lettuce.
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
What do you call a spider that just got married? A newly web.
Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems.
What did the carpet say to the floor? I've got you covered.
What did the tablecloth say to the table? Don't move, I've got you covered.
What did the window say to the Venetian blinds? If it wasn't for you, it'd be curtains for me.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke.
Why are false teeth like stars? They come out at night.
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie? Because you can see right through him.
How do trains hear? Through the engineers.
What's the best parting gift? A comb.
What's a lazy shoe called? A loafer.
What did the cashier say to the register? I'm counting on you.
What has six eyes but cannot see? Three blind mice.
What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a spider? A hare net.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo boos.
Why did the man hit the clock? Because the clock struck first.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with.
What's Tarzan's favorite song? Jungle Bells.
Why do male deer need braces? Because they have buck teeth!
Why do elephants wear running shoes? For jogging, of course.
Why does a sheep have a woolly coat? Because he'd look silly in a plastic one.
What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why did Donald put sugar on his pillow? He wanted to have sweet dreams.
How do you clean a tuba? With a tuba toothpaste.
What do you get if you cross a jeweler with a plumber? A ring around the bathtub.
Why did the archaeologist go bankrupt? Because his career was in ruins.
Why did the baker stop making doughnuts? He got sick of the hole business.
Why did the mouse wear brown sneakers? His white ones were in the wash.
What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats.
What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a skunk? A big stinker.
What's green and loud? A froghorn!
What's in the middle of a jellyfish? A jellybutton.
What's green and jumps up and down? Lettuce at a dance.
Why do potatoes argue all the time? They can't see eye to eye.
How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
What does a skunk do when it's angry? It raises a stink.
Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why was Cinderella such a bad player? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
Why don't witches ride their brooms when they're angry? They don't want to fly off the handle!
What's green, noisy and dangerous? A thundering herd of cucumbers.
What's round, white and giggles? A tickled onion.
What's green on the outside and yellow inside? A banana disguised as a cucumber.
What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Look, Dad, no hands.
Where do ghosts pick up their mail? At the ghost office.
Did you hear about the man who hated Santa? He suffered from Claustrophobia.
What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster? A cockapoodledoo!
What goes zzub-zzub? A bee flying backwards.
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.
What do you give an elephant with big feet? Big shoes.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
Why do dinosaurs have long necks? Because their feet smell.
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
What goes ABC...slurp...DEF...slurp? Someone eating alphabet soup.
What's a funny egg called? A practical yolker!
What weighs 4 tons, has a trunk and is bright red? An embarrassed elephant.
What did the flea say to the other flea? Shall we walk or take the cat?
What's brown, has four legs and a trunk? A mouse coming back from vacation.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What lies on its back one hundred feet in the air? A sleeping centipede.
What did the soil say to the rain? Stop, or my name is mud!
What do people do in clock factories? They make faces all day.
What do you get if you cross a plum with a tiger? A purple people eater.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare centers.
What's gray, weighs 200 pounds and says, "Here kitty, kitty?" A 200 pound mouse.
How do you stop an elephant from going through the eye of a needle? Tie a knot in its tail.
Where does a peacock go when he loses his tail? A retail store.
Why did Pluto sleep with a banana peel? So he could slip out of bed in the morning.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a shark? Swimming trunks with sharp teeth.
What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
What do you get if you cross a hyena with a mynah bird? An animal that laughs at its own jokes!
What's gray, weighs 4 tons, and wears glass slippers? Cinderelephant.
What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot? She called the toe truck!
Where would you weigh a whale? At a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a gorilla wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he can't hear you.
What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells.
What did the necklace say to the hat? You go ahead, I'll hang around.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul friend.
Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food? Because he was a little gobbler.
Did you hear about the time Goofy ate a candle? He wanted a light snack!
What needs a bath and keeps crossing the street? A dirty double crosser.
Why do elephants never forget? Because nobody ever tells them anything.
My sister thinks she's a pair of curtains. I told her to pull herself together!
What do you call a mosquito with a tin suit? A bite in shining armor.
What's the best way to save water? Dilute it.
What did the puddle say to the rain? Drop in sometime.
If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become? Wet.
What do you get if you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic? Very wet.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a monster? A creature that gets a cracker whenever it asks for one.
What did Snow White say to the photographer? Someday my prints will come.
What did the peanut say to the elephant? Nothing -- Peanuts can't talk.
What does the winner of a marathon lose? His breath.
What goes tick-tick-tick-woof? A watchdog!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line.
What do you call a dinosaur that's never late? A prontosaurus.
Why did the dolphin cross the wave? To get to the other tide.
What does the sea say to the sand? Not much. It usually waves.
What's at the end of everything? The letter G.
What's wrong if you keep seeing talking animals? You're having Disney spells.

Trivia

Megaphone is the only gag that makes Toons speak automatically.
Toons use a similar megaphone for Sound gags.