Remote control

A remote control is a device that allows Toons to control Cogs to their advantage. There are one-star, two-star, and three-star damage remotes and healing remotes. Toons are awarded remote controls after cutting the power of a Sellbot Field Office annex by defeating The Boiler. Toons can have a maximum of 100 one-star, two-star, and three-star damage remotes and healing remotes.

Remote controls

Damage remotes

When controlled by a damage remote, Cogs tell a bad joke and deal damage to other Cogs while also receiving damage upon expiration. As a result, Cogs can lose the Lure effect should they be lured.

Image	Tier	Statistics
	★	Rounds: 2 Damage: 45 Damage on Expire: 45
	★★	Rounds: 3 Damage: 60 Damage on Expire: 90
	★★★	Rounds: 4 Damage: 75 Damage on Expire: 150

Jokes and responses

Jokes

• Did you hear about the Cog that got cursed? They fell under the spell of a Rolo-hex.
• Have you ever tried out the formal complaint box? You put in your complaint, and it prints out a pink slip.
• The traffic has been awful in Cog Nation. It must be all of the red tape.
• Have you ever met one of the Security Goons? They've got a very flashy personality.
• How come Cold Callers can't find love? They have a cold, cold heart.
• Why was the Telemarketer written up? He kept phoning it in.
• Why are Name Droppers always picked last in sports? They keep dropping the ball.
• Why was there an uptick in crushed Cog hands? The Glad Hander went on a handshake spree.
• Why do Mover & Shakers love vector math? They know their magnitudes.
• Why don't Mover & Shakers make good spies? You can hear them coming a mile away.
• I saw a Two-Face on a quiz show last week. They were disqualified for not giving straight answers.
• What's worse than a conversation with The Mingler? A conversation with two of The Minglers.
• Have you ever seen Mr. Hollywood without all the makeup? He's all razzle, but no dazzle.
• Which Cog has the best moves on the dance floor? The Boiler is fire burning!
• I heard that sales have been up this quarter. It's a shame that the V.P. has been falling down, though.
• Why did the Cashbot get fired from being a train conductor? They got side-tracked.
• I heard a Short Change failed in math class. His math was right, but his answers were always a few cents short.
• How did the penny tax vote go? The only opposition was the Penny Pinchers.
• Why did the Tightwad accidentally punch his coworkers? He was too tightfisted.
• Why did the Bean Counter quit his bank job? He just lost interest.
• Why did the Number Cruncher take a desk job? Because it was a nine two five.
• How come the Money Bags kept getting robbed? He always carries big bills.
• Why did the Loan Shark take on so many hobbies? He had a high amount of interest.
• How do Robber Barons climb the corporate ladder? By stealing Cogs' hearts.
• When is the C.F.O. the least safe? When surrounded by his safes.
• What's the difference between a good Lawbot and a great Lawbot? A good Lawbot knows the law. A great Lawbot knows the judge.
• I heard a Bottom Feeder required a taste for chocolate recently. He's been indicted for fudging the details in court.
• What is the Bloodsucker most afraid of? Rabbits who take the right at Albuquerque.
• I had to break the news to a Double Talker about his "negative cash flow". I ended up being "collateral damage" in that conversation.
• I hid a speaker in the office of an Ambulance Chaser. The moment that siren went off, I knew I was fired.
• There's lots of doctors in the Lawbot ranks. With the Back Stabber's reputation, their work is cut short for them.
• I just got the bill from my visit to the Spin Doctor. It's practically extortion, but he's just so convincing...
• For such a big Cog, the Legal Eagle is easy to please. Just leave out some birdseed.
• What is the Big Wig's secret to his hair? A hair-owing amount of powder.
• Which Cog gives only the fairest of rulings? The Chief Justice. That's a funny joke.
• I'd feel bad about making a joke about the Flunkies. As it is, they're already jokes themselves.
• How did they catch the Pencil Pusher for his crimes? They used handwriting analysis.
• Why did the boss go into bankruptcy? He was surrounded by Yesmen.
• A couple of Micromanagers started up a small business recently. You can't even see it under a microscope!
• Why does the Downsizer seem so happy? He's always talking to his shrink.
• How come the Head Hunter won the race? He came out a-head.
• Why do Corporate Raiders do their plundering? The short-sell seas.
• Ever wondered why The Big Cheese is so hole-y? I heard that he's more hot air than cheese.
• How many times has the boss played golf this week? FORE!
• I asked the boss if he wanted still or seltzer water for the banquet. He told me to table the question for later.

Responses

• Hrmph.
• Huh?
• What?
• Sorry, what?
• Seriously?
• Did you get your wires crossed?
• Do you have a screw loose?
• Who do you think you are?
• Where are your manners?
• The boss will hear about this one.
• I don't get it.
• I should write you up.
• I knew I should have called in sick today.
• I'll be speaking to HR about this.
• I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
• I'd fire you for that if I could.
• I'm reporting this to corporate.
• Management won't like that.
• That's terrible.
• Very funny. Get back to work.
• Don't make me laugh.
• Looks like we've got a comedian over here.
• You should be ashamed.
• You're on the clock.
• Get some better material.
• Simmer down, hotshot.
• Never do that again.
• Someone should sue you for defamation.
• Somebody has a pink slip coming.
• As if today couldn't get any worse.

Healing remotes

When controlled by a healing remote, Cogs perform a dance and heal Toons while also receiving damage upon expiration. Song and Dance is performed by controlled Cogs.

Image	Tier	Statistics
	★	Rounds: 2 Toon-Up: 15 Damage on Expire: 45
	★★	Rounds: 3 Toon-Up: 20 Damage on Expire: 90
	★★★	Rounds: 4 Toon-Up: 25 Damage on Expire: 150

Trivia

• Song and Dance was previously an unused Cog attack from Toontown Online. Since the Song and Dance animation was originally only created for Cogs with "SuitA" types, the Toontown Rewritten Team had to create Song and Dance animations for Cogs with "SuitB" and "SuitC" types.
• One of many jokes told by controlled Cogs due to damage remotes is an Easter egg that references the song "Fire Burning" by Sean Kingston, which also happens to be the basis for Joey's widely known Toontown music video.
• In the 3.6.1i update that was released on November 16, 2022, 32 more jokes were added to damage remotes following a contest held by Bonnie Bubbles.